testing...

I decided to run a test on my Narcissist. he's playing a game with me, he's lost control and he's fighting for every nail-hold he still has. last week the magistrate told him to mail me the financial documents I'd subpeona'd, which he'd refused to disclose for the previous 4 months. he's played this game all along, and I know he's sweating. he doesn't want me to know how much money he gets from his trust fund and what stock options he hid when we divorced, because I've caught him out in a few lies already. so, I called him tonight and told him that the papers haven't arrived yet, and it seems like August 3 to August 9 is more than enough time, so did he really send them?

naturally, he hung up on me. just as I predicted. he did throw out a pitiful "I don't want to talk to you. I'll email you about it" before hanging up.

so, I gave him about an hour (I wasn't timing it, too busy for that) and called to leave him a message. basically I told him this: since he's not respecting my legal rights, he's forcing me into taking measures I would rather not. so, if he doesn't call or email tomorrow before I get on my plane and tell me when he mailed the papers, when they're supposed to arrive, and what the tracking number is, then I need to stop by his office when I arrive in Colorado and pick them up. I dropped the bomb that those papers are essential to the next step in court (couldn't resist). if he continues to refuse to comply with the law as he has done for the last 4 months, I will be forced to file a motion to find him in contempt. it's on my list of things to do while I'm in Colorado, so it's no big deal. I don't WANT to do it, he's making me do it. he can stop me by obeying the law, it's up to him.

so the test is, which impulse will he obey? the urge to hurt me, the urge to grasp at that fraying thread of power he thinks he still has over me? or the impulse to stay out of trouble once he's cornered and maintain the appearance of the persecuted hero ("your honor, she bullied me, I tried to comply and get her the papers, she was so uncooperative, she caused problems at my job, blah blah blah"). either way I win. either way we're going to court again. if he refuses to give me the papers, contempt, another subpeona, and I'll get the papers and the proof of his lies. if he complies, I get the papers and the proof of his lies.

I'm not afraid anymore. I expect him to lash out. I expect him to sulk about how mean I am. I expect him to act like the emotionally stunted individual he is and withhold the papers, justifying his actions to himself all along that I have no right to know, that I have no right to his money, that I'm trying to use him (because malignant narcissists project their motivations onto others) and I know he will use these self-righteous attention-seeking tactics to feed his disorder.

I know this now, and I'm not afraid.

knowledge is power.